Remember me - REMASTERED
by Dixie990
Summary: Battle sleep was all Seryna Shepard knew. As Irikah once awoke Thane, now Thane will awaken Seryna... but when all is said and done, will she thank him for it? The long awaited re-write of my original fic - Remember Me. Rated M for language, violence and lemon content.
1. Chapter 1

**REMEMBER ME REMASTERED**

**An awfully long authors Note: **

** After months of writing, brainstorming, scrapping, rewriting and frustrated temper tantrums I've finally finished Remember me version 2! **

**Now, my problem is that people all seem to want a happy ending for Thane; they want to read stories about a Shepard who defies all odds, cures him of Keprals, defeats the reapers and has little half drell babies with him! But I have to say; though the romance with Thane had a tragic ending… it was a bloody good story just the way it was. It was a good, old fashioned, tragic love story. Which is why perhaps I've had such a hard time writing Remember me… there really isn't much I feel I want to change, there's only things I want to add. **

**Remember me was ****always**** going to have this ending, what I wanted to achieve was a way of making peace with Thanes death as, in my opinion, not enough was made of it if you'd romanced him. So this ending isn't 'happy' per say, but that's not what I'm trying to get here… I'm looking to do a 'peaceful' ending. Wish me luck! **

**I've tried to make this story as standalone as possible but primarily I'm writing this for the readers of the original remember me. It should be possible for new readers to enjoy this version as well though. I have also tried to keep events relatively faithful to the original remember me story. **

**On a final note, this story has been written in an entirely different style to the original, as such, I hope it's not too confusing. Standard texts denotes present day / current events while italics are memories & flashbacks. The chapters and indeed, story as a whole will also be considerably shorter but in my opinion I think that when it comes to Remember me, it's the quality of writing that counts, not the quantity. In the original version I was throwing out chapter after chapter without really making the points or getting the emotions I was aiming for. **

**I know this story is perhaps not what my readers were hoping for or expecting but I am far more satisfied with this version than I ever was with the original and so this is the version I'll be keeping. I hope when it comes down to it, you guys like it anyway. As always I'm open to constructive criticism. **

**WARNING! As always with my work, this story will contain swearing, violence and adult content!**

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE**

"I want it here Mike." Shepard told the man. "Make it a big one."

Mike frowned as he surveyed Shepard's bare back. He was an older man, with lines of experience on his face and grey in his hair. He squinted a little, running his fingers over the tattooist's laser as he tried to visualise what he was going to do. "There's not room for a big one Seryna, you filled it up already…" Came his heavy Londoner accent.

"Find room!" She snapped.

Mike shook his head. "Special one is it?"

Shepard narrowed her eyes at the metal wall ahead of her. "You have no fucking idea."

"Hm… If he was special… why not put it some place special…"

"You're suggesting what exactly?"

Mike eyed that full back tattoo that he'd etched into her skin over the years. It featured a large grim reaper, bent and weeping over a tombstone, the grave taking up most of her back, the spectre's scythe stretching up and over her shoulders. Originally the tombstone had just one precious name 'Johnathan Shepard'.

Over the years however Shepard had sought him out to have new names etched into her skin, sometimes several at once. One name for every person she felt had died because of her. Even after he'd retired he still got messages from her offering large sums of credits to come and add just one more name. It seemed morbid to Mike, but he'd dared not refuse her when she was a skinny little gang girl with a gun and damn good aim, he sure as hell didn't dare to refuse her now that she was a council spectre and a big shot human authority.

He'd agreed to meet her on the citadel this time, right after the coup by Cerberus. He had to be mad… but the money she'd offered was good and though she'd risen in life, he was still confined to the dark under cities of the galaxy. So he'd come.

The moment he saw her he knew this one was different. She'd always been a dark sort of person; that darkness was like a metal mask bolted to her face, never letting anyone in to see the person behind. Today though… there was something wild in her features, some unbridled fury in her green eyes that struck terror into Mike's old heart.

"The name ain't gonna fit on the stone… I could put it on the sythe?" He suggested.

He saw the flicker of a dark smile on her face. "Poetic."

Mike nodded. "Alright… what was the spelling?"

Shepard handed him a data pad with just the name written in the top corner of the screen. 'Thane Krios'.

He nodded and took in the spelling before carefully setting to work etching it in, making each letter large and decorative, making sure the name took up the entire blade of the sythe.

"Friend of yours I take it?" Mike asked as he worked. Sometimes she liked to talk, to tell him something about the person he was adding to her list of dead. It seemed to be almost therapeutic for her.

"No… much more than that." Her voice came out low, that fury struggling on the edge of her tone.

Mike was surprised. He'd known Seryna Shepard since she was a child and never, ever had he heard of a 'more than friend' in her life. But then Shepard seemed to have a bad habit of deliberately staying detached from people, she was so privet why should he be so surprised that he'd not heard of this… attachment? He was just a tattoo artist after all.

"You wanna tell me what happened?" He asked.

She heaved a sigh and Mike paused his work so she could shift a little, leaning forwards and resting her hands on her chin. "He was killed in the coup." She murmured. Mike could've sworn her heard her voice falter, the grief still too near the surface. "A Cerberus agent… took him down."

"You can't blame yourself for that one." Mike mused.

She didn't reply. She just glared at the wall ahead of her. Mike could almost see the murderous fantasy's running passed her eyes. Whoever this agent was he was in deep shit. No one took someone from Shepard without paying for it… no one. Mike guessed that's what made her such a good hero, those that killed her loved ones were usually enemies of the galaxy and Shepard would stop at nothing for vengeance. She was like a destructive force of nature that fate used to cleanse the universe of evil. He couldn't imagine how it was for her… how much she must've suffered to come this far, to have this many names scarred into her skin and her soul. Each person a victim, each person avenged by this… dark angel.

Mike worked hard to make the name more beautiful than the rest. The way she spoke of this 'Thane Krios' the wavering in her voice, he knew she'd accept nothing less.

* * *

_ She threw his outstretched hands away from her body. "What the fuck makes you so special!" She snarled viciously. _

_ Thane was unprovoked by her violent display. He folded his hands behind his back and stood straight, saying nothing but piercing her soul with those fathomless black eyes. It was infuriating._

_ She pointed a finger in his face, hating herself for crying in front of him, for crying in front of anyone! "I don't need you! I've been to hell and back more times than you can count and I never needed you!" The tears streamed steadily down her cheeks, her eyes were bloodshot and sore. _

_ Thane continued to hold her gaze with a steady calm. "I am not suggesting that you 'need' me Siha." Came the soothing tones of his low voice. _

_ Shepard threw her hands over her ears. She didn't want to hear him. She didn't want that comfort. Everything about him was comforting to her enhanced senses. She'd always been sensitive, drugs in her youth the doctors told her. Then when she joined the alliance and went through their psych evaluations she was told it was more than that. Her brain was wired differently to most peoples. She was sensitive to any stimuli, each of her senses subtly enhanced until it was painful! That's why she always wore her helmet and full armour off the Normandy if she could help it. It blacked out some of that 'background noise', protected her from sounds, smells, bright lights and put a barrier between her and whomever she was dealing with. _

_But Thane… Thane with his soft silky scales, his bright intricate colours, his soft rumbling voice and the smell of guns and biotics that always surrounded him. He was, in her eyes at least, safety and comfort personified, gently teasing and coaxing each and every one of her overworked senses while offering a steady focus. _

_She'd been drawn to him from the first day they met. But while Shepard had many talents, social skills was not one of them. Usually she held a gun to people's heads to get what she wanted or to make her point. It worked for her, though she'd earned a few reprimands from the alliance for aggressive behaviour. She'd wanted to avoid Thane but he had a kind of gravitational pull on her. She found some twisted sense of peace just sitting with him in life support talking about whatever he wanted. She should have realised that he was as drawn to her as she was to him. This 'confrontation' was inevitable. _

_It was her own damn fault for flirting with him in the first place. She didn't know why she had, she'd never said anything even remotely flirtatious to anyone in her life but the words spilled from her lips like second nature, promising him something she didn't have the strength left to give. _

_But Thane wasn't up in her cabin looking for something to take. No what he had in mind was much, much worse. He wanted to give! He was offering her all the comfort she could take from him, in all the time he had left to give it! _

_Her mind spun. She felt sick. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping he would just vanish and leave her alone to deal with this… overload. _

_She felt his hands on her upper arms. There was so much strength in his grip yet he handled her as if she were made of glass, carefully turning her in his arms so she could bury her face into the side of his neck, indulging in the warmth of his skin, the feel of his stronger muscles under his scales and that smooth scent that was distinctly Thane. _

"_Garrus told me about the message you received from Councillor Anderson." He said gently. "I understand your friends are in grave danger. I came in the hopes of comforting you Siha, not because you need it, but because I thought you might want it." One of his strong arms held her shoulders, the other ran up so his hand could tangle in her hair, holding her too him._

_If Shepard had been in a better state she might have been furious at Garrus for talking to Thane about her privet business. As the assassin began to emit a low purring sound from somewhere in his chest, a sound that vibrated through him and into her, soothing her tired form, she could not find it in her to hate her turian friend. _

"_I do not fully understand why…" Thane said as he gently pulled away from her to look down into her face. "But you told me that my body brings your peace. You may have it as you please." _

_Shepard shook her head and drew away from him, her emotions settling somewhat from his embrace. She wiped the tears from her eyes. "I just need to find Amy and Carter." She said firmly. "There will be no peace for me until they're safe." She turned her back to him and picked up the data pad from her desk, the note from Anderson glaring up at her from the orange screen. _

"_If that's what you want. Shepard…" He drew close to her again; she could feel him at her back. "Whatever you decide to do, I would like to go with you. You saved Kolyat; it's fitting that I should return the favour." _

_Shepard turned sharply. "Is that why you've come up here? Because you feel obliged to 'return the favour' in some way?!" She couldn't keep the anger from her tone, no matter how she tried. Anger was in her nature. _

_Calm as always, Thane shook his head. _

"_Out of pity then?! I don't need pity Thane." _

_He raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. "No Siha." He said simply. He lowered his hands again and drew closer, so there was barely an inch between them. "You 'sleep' Shepard." One of his hands came up to brush along her jaw. "I know the pain you suffer perhaps better than anyone on this ship." He spoke firmly now, daring her to deny it. He leaned down, brushing his lips against her cheek before murmuring into her ear. "I will wake you." _


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

**WARNING! This chapter contains heavy violence & implied acts of rape.**

Shepard held her hair over her shoulder as she twisted her head to gaze at her back in the mirror. In particular the latest addition to her beloved body art. Mike had done a good job, the name stood out over all the others. Thane… the Spectre's scythe, her source of strength. It worked well. But it felt insufficient. She'd thought having his name added might bring her some closure but…

Her eyes watered again and anger rose up against herself. She would not cry! Not again! She dropped her long black hair and let the waves cover the tattoo. She turned and instead inspected the sharp features of her face.

She possessed fierce emerald coloured eyes, almond shaped and cat like with an arching, regal brow over them. Her cheek bones were sharp and angular, her nose long and miraculously straight, the tip pointed. Her mouth was narrow in width but with full, sharply defined lips set just above a pointed chin. She might not be a human picture of perfection, not with the glowing orange scars anyway, but she took some comfort in the knowledge she was a fierce looking woman at least. Except for now.

Right now tears were pooling in her eyes and a kind of unacceptable vulnerability had swamped her features.

Thane.

She'd been arrogant enough to think that she could save him. She was commander fucking Shepard! The universe quaked before her! She'd come back from the fucking dead! Destroyed a reaper, saved the citadel, taken out the collectors cured the genophage and brokered peace between turians and krogan! Surely she could've saved her dying lover!? But it seemed her luck had run out. The forces of fate had taken payment for all the times they'd spared her. God damn it! Did the cost have to be so high?!

She stormed from the small bathroom. She needed a drink.

Shepard was not a tidy person; her Cabin was already in disarray. In her foul mood she kicked aside the debris as she made her way to her drinks stash under the desk in the lower half of the room. She poured herself a shot to vodka… downed it, then another and another before switching to a generous glass of brandy and sitting with it on her sofa.

She starred at the amber liquid for a long moment.

She could almost feel his eyes on her now. He never said anything about her bad drinking and smoking habits, but there was always concern in his gaze. He would wait patiently for her to tell him whatever it was that was bothering her… if she told him at all. Regardless… he would wait.

God she missed him! She missed how he would hold her, his strong arms wrapping around her shoulders and pulling her close to him. She missed drowning her overworked senses in everything that was him and finding a few moments of precious peace. She had never let any man touch her before Thane. Even Garrus, her closest friend, kept a respectful physical distance, aware that it was more than the rough feel of his skin that would cause her pain.

* * *

_Ryan King, a greasy, foul, evil man, backhanded her with such force that Seryna felt her lip split on her own tooth. "Who the fuck do you think you're talking too slut!" He grabbed her chin in strong, waxy fingers, forcing her head round to stare into her eyes. "You will do as I tell you!" He turned away and the two men that had been holding her threw her to the ground, gaffing at her stupidly as she fell. _

_ "They're kids Ryan." Seryna spat through her own blood. "They ain't no threat to you!" _

_ "What kind of prat do you take me for!? You think I ain't seen those damn white stripes!?" He lunged towards her, poking a finger in her face. "I know what you're up too… I know who them white stripes report too! You think you can take on me!? You think you can handle the tenth street reds!? I shoulda put you down like your fucking brother!" _

_ Seryna narrowed her eyes at him, hate burning through the emeralds. "Why don't you make up for it now then!? Go on! Shoot me in the face!" _

_ "And let you get away with it!? You stupid brat! I will break you!" He hit her again. "I will make you wish I'd blown your fucking face off!" He grabbed her by the shoulders and threw her against the tattered old bed in the corner. "I will make you submit!" He ripped at her top, tearing it down the middle to bare her scarred flesh. His hands were on her… all over her… burning her with their heat and his anger. He bit at her neck like an animal, tearing at her flesh as much as her clothes. "You ain't nothing but a whore! It's all you've ever been! It's all you'll ever be!" He screamed as he pounded at her. _

_Seryna didn't fight… that's what he wanted her to do. No, she went limp, infuriating him with her impassive response to the violent act. He couldn't hurt her; he could only fuel her fury, her determination, her courage. He couldn't break her… but she would destroy him! For vengeance yes… but mostly for the others. For all the innocents caught up in the fury of the tenth street reds. For the orphans and the forgotten. The ones left on the streets, hungry broken and desperate, flocking to Ryan because they had no choice… well now they had one. She would take the beatings on their behalf… then they would be strong… then there would be vengeance for everyone. There would be vengeance for everyone…_

* * *

_Seryna held the gun to Ryan's head, the blood poured down her face from a head would, her lip was split, her eye blackened. But all the blood and bruises in the world would not have quenched the fire in her face. Blinding, wild fury. _

_For the first time in her life, Seryna witnessed fear come to Ryan's face. It flooded his eyes and made him pathetic, made him weak before her. How could she ever have trembled before him!? He was nothing. Just a washed up junkie. Crazy… broken… worthless. She snarled at him "I'm not afraid of you Ryan… not anymore." Her finger twitched and squeezed, the trigger was so easy to pull. She watched, almost in slow motion, as the bullet impacted against his head. A sick kind of satisfaction filled her gut as he fell… down… down… the blood pouring from the wound on his head to bathe at her feet. The demon that had haunted her every living moment… was dead._


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

**WARNING: This chapter contains adult content!**

"Headshot!" Garrus shouted in his usual congratulatory manner. He and Edi were trying to make everything seem as normal as possible, but Seryna could feel the tension in the air between them. Or perhaps it was just the aura of fury she herself was projecting as she sniped down the Cerberus soldiers with ruthless efficiency, her steel mask firmly in place and keeping her face impassive.

Assaulting the Cerberus HQ… it had taken months to reach this place. Months of sleepless nights, of empty tears rolling down her face. Time was supposed to heal wounds but for Seryna, it was poison. A slow, painful death. Every day she missed Thane more. When she was lucky enough to find sleep she saw only that god awful moment… that moment when she realised that yes… that was Kai Lang's sword through his chest, yes that was Thanes blood, yes… he was going to die. She couldn't bare it, being in this world and knowing that he wasn't; that at the end of all this there would be no victory for her, no peace or satisfaction with the fall of the reapers. Even now, as she tore through the Cerberus base with the fury of woman scorned and hell fire ready to devour the Illusive Man and damn Kai Lang… there was only sorrow and despair. No anticipation, no want for vengeance just… pain and emptiness. Battle sleep Thane had called it. She finally understood what it meant. She had lived most of her life asleep… god damn Thane! Why did he have to wake her up! Why did Cerberus have to revive her?! She would never have met him if they'd just let her rest in peace!

She gunned down the last operative and led her squad into the large, black room that was the Illusive Man's observatory. He was gone of course, communicating with them only by hologram. Seryna wasn't surprised. She dealt with it all robotically, letting her team discover the missing prothian VI, letting them question it and process the information. Seryna just stood there. A statue… an empty symbol for the people to love and worship, only her team really knew how dead she already was.

The doors were thrown open, disrupting them. Seryna turned to face the intruder and felt the fire within her roar into life, bursting through her steel mask. She took off her helmet, letting her black hair fall around her face and her green eye burn. "You." She snarled the world viciously and pulled her gun on him, unloading an entire thermal clip, then slamming in another before thinking to roll into cover. Kai Lang! If peace was at all possible for her, it would only come with this bastard's death!

She shouted vague orders at her squad; take out the others, Kai Lang was hers! She gathered all her biotic energy unleashing charge after charge, punch after punch, her guns now abandoned in their holsters. She would kill this one with her bare hands! She would rip him! Tear him! Break him! There would be nothing left of him when she was done! His own mother wouldn't recognise him!

Her ferocity shocked Lang; he was overwhelmed by her fury and burned by it. Finally she caught his hair in her hand, holding him still as she punched into his face over and over with her free fist.

"Commander!" Garrus was shouting for her. "Seryna you got him!"

Shepard roared as she threw the bloodied body away from herself, spitting at it in disgust. She turned away and sat in the Illusive man's vacated chair, trying to reign in her fury enough not to destroy the console's interface. Seconds passed like eternities… she felt movement behind her. Her eyes narrowed. She dodged out of the way as the thug's sword struck down. She twisted her body, drew her omni-blade and thrust hard and deep. For a second their eyes met his through the white light of his visor, hers un-obscured, wild and furious. "That's for Thane you son of a bitch!" Venom and distain dripped from her tone. Lang fell at her feet, lifeless. She stared down at him for a long moment. There was no satisfaction like there had been when she killed Ryan… no peace… no glory. Just that agonising emptiness. Thane… what had he done to her!?

* * *

_ "Thane… be alive with me tonight." His lips were perfectly warm against hers, his emotion hot and unbridled. Over all these months he had held her up without ever expecting anything in return. He had walked with her through all the torment and pain of her past and refused to cast a poor judgement on her. He had loved her, despite the blackness in her heart and the twisted form of her soul. Now he came to her, his strength spent, his burden's heavy but still demanding nothing from her. She couldn't bare it, to see his strength waver, to find his calm demeanour shattered. He had been her comfort. Now she would be his strength. _

_ He kissed her, accepted cautiously the gift that she offered him. "Siha…" He drew back, trying to find a trace of fear or uncertainty in her eyes. All he found was desire, promise and power. _

_ She kissed him again, his weakness making her strong. She met his gaze and ran her hand over his face. "Let me offer you comfort for a change." She ran her fingertips over the red flesh of his neck and watched in contentment as his head rolled back a little, granting her better access. She pressed her lips where her fingers had been and instinctively let her tongue dart out to gently lick at his skin. _

_She had wanted for a while now to offer him this. Out of nerves or fear of embarrassing herself with her ignorance, she'd done what she could to learn about his people, how this was supposed to be done, how it could be done without frightening either of them. _

_She ran her hands up his chest to his shoulders and slipped the heavy jacket from his shoulders. He caught it in his hands and laid it on the edge of her sofa while her fingers found the zip of his undershirt. Piece by piece they undressed each other until nothing separated them. Seryna had seen Thane shirtless, but nothing could prepare her for the beauty of his body. Twin stripes of red framed his torso and wound their way down over his hips and between his legs to engulf his length in the sensitive ribbed flesh. His black patterning struck its way down his spine and left stripes on his chest, arms and legs. Tentatively he reached out to run his scaled fingers over her body, touching first her arm, then her waist, hips and breast. "Siha…" he brushed his free hand against her face and twined his fingers in her hair. "You are so beautiful." _

_She smiled and took his hand, leading him back to the bed and turning him so he would lay back for her. His hands came up to gently grasp her hips as she leaned over him to press a kiss to his lips. She trailed her kisses over his neck, down his chest, following the path of red skin to arrive at his straining member. _

_Burying her nerves and her doubts she engulfed him in the heat of her mouth, taking in as much of him as she was able and grasping the rest with her hand. She heard him let out a breathy moan and felt him shift beneath her. He propped himself up on his elbows to watch her and reached down to brush her black hair out of her face. His expression was one of adoration, so much so that when he gently cupped the back of her head and helped guide her movements, she felt not even an inkling of fear or doubt. Instead, she smiled with her eyes and sucked him that little bit harder, taking him in a little deeper, just as he softly instructed and letting her own moans of pleasure roll into him. _

_She hadn't expected this part to be pleasurable… but pleasurable it was. Moistness was gathering at her entrance and she shifted her legs as she worked on him, trying to achieve some kind of relief. _

"_Siha… enough." He pulled away from her and beckoned her to him as he laid himself back once more. He pulled her towards him and kissed her as his hands wondered down her side and over her hips, seeking and ultimately finding her centre. He dipped his fingers between her folds and she broke their kiss to gasp his name. His free hand rested on her hip, keeping her steady while he worked at her, his fused digits pressing into her entrance and finding her entirely ready. He thrust into her gently, watching her face for signs of discomfort. Finding none, he pressed his fingers deeper, his thumb rubbing against her clit. _

_Seryna moaned and let her head fall back. He was sending a tidal wave of raw sensation through her, pleasure flashing like lightening up and down her spine in a way entirely unfamiliar to her. As he pressed deeper she found she wanted more… no… needed more! Her legs parted of their own accord, granting him better access, her hips thrusting into his hand as he pulled moan after moan from her trembling lips. _

_Suddenly she grasped his wrist. He stopped immediately and withdrew his hand. "Siha…" Concern was starting to flood his features, fear she knew that he might have pushed her to hard too fast. He was about to offer her a way out… so she kissed him, cutting him off from whatever he was about to say. She deepened their kiss and reached down to grasp his member. She stroked him slowly for a moment, keeping tempo with their kiss, then, carefully, she lined him up and sank down onto him. _

_It was his turn to gasp, his breath brushing against her lips, his cry of pleasure as she slowly took him into her body, music to her ears. Why had it taken her so long to do this!? There was no fear, no doubt as she settled on him fully and tentatively began to move, bracing her hands on his chest and marvelling at how incredible he felt within her. How right he felt. One of his hands lay atop hers, the other had a grasp on her hip, steadying her uncertain movements but letting her keep pace herself. She bit at her lower lip as the sensations flying through her body intensified. She felt need and lust claim her and quickened her pace, taking him harder and deeper, until the feel of him was all she could focus on. _

"_Look at me Seryna." His voice came out little more than a gasp. Shepard hadn't even realised she'd closed her eyes; colours were dancing wildly in front of her vision. She opened them and looked down at him. His colouring was more vivid than ever, the reds, greens and black magnificent against her white sheets. _

"_Thane… I…" She couldn't finish her sentence; she was close, so very close! _

_Thane sat up and wrapped her in his embrace. He nipped at the skin of her throat and kissed her. His hand slipped between them and once again slipped between her folds, massaging her clit in perfect timing with her thrusts. She wrapped her arms around his neck as a wave of pure bliss crashed over her and pressed her lips hard against his. He massaged her through her finish, then grasped her hips and thrust a few more times to find his own, his hot seed filling her completely… marking her as his. _

_They just sat there for several long minutes, Shepard resting her head against his shoulder and listening to the pounding of their heartbeats. _

* * *

_It was a moment of blissful peace. A second of calm before the storm and Shepard basked in it. She held Thane as he rested his back against her chest and drew her knees up and around his hips. He smiled and ran his hand over her left leg. He was quiet for a long moment, the weight of his thoughts heavy in his eyes. _

"_Thane?" _

_He looked up at her, "I wish to ask you something…but I have no desire to ruin this moment…" _

_She leaned forwards and kissed his cheek. "Ask." _

"_Do you… do you have any memory of death Siha?" _

_Seryna frowned a little. "I remember dying… yes." _

"_And beyond death?" _

_Shepard's brow creased a little. "No… I don't think so." _

_Thane went quiet again, turning his head to stare at the fish tank. _

"_But I think…" Seryna continued. "That must be a blessing in a way." _

"_Oh?" _

_Seryna shrugged. "Well, if there was such a thing as heaven, some, eternal peace beyond the pain of life… I would be pretty miserable to remember it now… to know what I'd lost." _

"_You have never spoken of your religious beliefs Siha." It was a question she could ignore; she saw that as clearly as she heard the tone of curiosity in his offhand statement. _

"_I… I have always tried to believe in a higher power. It bought me some sense of comfort to think that all those that died around me would at least be at peace in the end. I don't know if there's a 'heaven' per say… but I can't believe that consciousness just… ends." She shrugged. "It's an opinion more than a religion I think." _

_Thane bought her hand to his lips and kissed it. "Thank you." _


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

**SPOILER ALERT FOR END OF ME3!**

This was it. This was the moment her life had been leading her too, the choices laid bare before her. In the end… did it matter which she chose? She was weak… no… exhausted from the fight. Not just against the reapers, but against her whole life. She had precious few memories of times when she was not at war with something or someone and those precious few were mostly in Thane's beautiful arms. "This… is it." She glanced down at the crystal like boy. "My life for the safety of the galaxy." There was no fear with this realisation, no desperate hope that she was wrong. There came… peace. Blessed… beautiful… long lost peace. All this time, all this fighting to lead her to this point. Maybe there could be victory for her after all.

She gazed from option to option and back again, her mind working harder than it had in months. If she was going to leave this galaxy behind, she would leave it in the best possible state. Too many had suffered already. She weighed it out, comparing each option, considered the potential consequence.

She made her decision.

Seryna Shepard held her head high and walked, as best she could, towards the choice she had made. She reached the console and closed her eyes, memories flashing through her mind's eye; all of them green black and red. "Across the sea…" She murmured. "Thane."

* * *

_ Kolyat finished the prayer. He had asked her to speak it with him but she could not. She didn't trust her voice not to break. She would not show her despair. Not now, not when he needed her to be strong. She gripped his hand with one of her own and with the other she ran fingertips over the black markings on his forehead. Maybe it was selfish of her to want to be here, to intrude upon these final moments Kolyat might have with his father, but she couldn't find the strength, or will, to leave. "I'll miss you." She managed to murmur. _

_ Thane smiled at her, his dark eyes still so full of life, even now as his body failed him. "I will wait for you Siha." He promised. "Across the sea." _

_ She nodded, trying and failing, to keep her tears behind her eyes. A single drop fell from her eye to splash against their joined hands. He reached up with what strength he had to wipe at the wet trail the tear had left behind. "I love you." _

_ She lifted their joined hands and kissed his. "I love you too." Her voice came out a broken gasp. It was the last thing he heard… _

_ His grip slackened, his chest became still, his black eyes glassed over, all the life emptying from their depths. _

_ Her tears fell uninhibited now. She could not stop them if she wished it. She did not scream, she did not cry out… the pain was too great even for that. _

_ She felt a cool, drell hand on her back and glanced over her shoulder to see Kolyat. "It meant a lot to him." The boy-drell said. "To have a woman as great as you cry for him in the end." _

_ Seryna looked back at Thane and used her free hand to close his eyes. "I am only as great as people like your father make me." She straightened up and finally took her hand from Thane's. She managed a shuddering breath. "I'm sorry… you didn't have more time with him. I…" Her voice faltered and she closed her eyes, breathing deeply. Her façade was breaking, the steel mask she had placed so firmly over her face unable to hold back the storm of despair. "I have to go." _

_ She couldn't even look at the boy, she just brushed passed him and out into the cool air of the corridor. Garrus was waiting for her, but she shook her head at him and turned to walk down the corridor towards the lift. She needed to be back in the Normandy, back in her armour… away from the garish lights, the sterile air, the stench of sickness and medicine. Everything seemed so cold! _

_ She managed three steps before her knees gave out from under her and she fell. Garrus was there to catch her. He was speaking but she couldn't understand him… she could barely even hear him. Tears were still pouring down her face as the reality sunk in, the pain of it like a poison that was poured into her open wounds. Thane was gone… he was… gone. She screamed, at least she thought she did, she couldn't hear herself. _

_She clung to Garrus's cowl as he lifted her and carried her away, back to the shelter of the Normandy. He took her all the way up to her Cabin and laid her on her bed; staying with her while she screamed into the pillows and tore at the blankets. Eventually he called for Chakwas, who said something about another overload in her implants… triggered by stress. She shot her full of sedatives and for once Seryna didn't fight them. Instead she let the blackness engulf her, praying for peace that would never come. _


End file.
